Defense wins championships. The Chicago Bears became cultural icons because of their defense. It frustrates me to no end that somewhere between the Lovie Smith coaching era and the current Marc Trestman coaching era the Bears are trying to become a more offense focused team. I don’t mind having a balanced team. It just looks like all of the resources are being thrown into patching up the Bears offense. Chicago quarterback Jay Cutler is still injured, his backup Josh McCown plays like a fish out of water. Screw patching up. I’m all for demolishing and starting over. A good Bears team should have a solid foundation in their defense.
Navy, Gold, Powder Blue, White
Sometimes I feel bad for the San Diego Chargers quarterback Philip Rivers. His face makes the greatest expressions, especially his duck face. His face is also very punchable. For all of his crazy Fantasy Football stats, he has yet to earn a Superbowl ring. I’m sure he works very hard to do well every game, but he always comes off as an over sized spoiled brat. Maybe a new coach (and new offensive system) could help him go beyond the first round of the playoffs this year. Well, maybe next year. The Chiefs and the Broncos pretty much have a lock for this year.
I really want the Raiders to do well. I grew up near Candlestick Park, the home of the San Francisco 49ers, so it wasn’t a leap in logic that I became a 49ers fan. I grew up with enough Raider fans to have them become my second team. Having a team name appropriate official theme song and shouting “RRRRRRAY-DAHS” when they score a TD captivated me as a kid. (Seriously whenever I have to use a boat to get around this is the song that plays in my head once the boat picks up speed.) Every preseason I see a glimmer of hope the Raiders will do well during the season. Then every season see the Raiders teeter off to a roughly .500 win/loss average and I go “Meh.” once again.
Worst to first seems to be this season’s story for the Chiefs. This time last season no one took the Chiefs seriously. But they added a new coach, new general manager, new quarterback, and spare parts from the San Francisco 49ers. Wait, the new QB (Alex Smith) was picked up from San Francisco as well. Okay, my mistake. The Chiefs got spare parts from the Green Bay Packers’ front office and the 49ers players roster. Basically they have become the team to beat this season. No, my mistake. The Denver Broncos beat them recently. Also head coach Andy Reid has transformed from a walrus in a green jacket to a giant red tomato. My conclusion is the Chiefs are still formidable until Alex Smith’s documented in-game indecision and Andy Reid’s My-QB-Does-Every-Play-Ever playbook manifest.
Peyton Manning, current quarterback of the Denver Broncos, isn’t much of a looker. He also can’t hide his thick NOLA accent and a massive forehead. So could someone please explain to me how he got so many product endorsements? Papa John’s (better pizza), Sprint (laser, rocket arm), Direct TV (football on your phone), Buick (audible), Gatorade (elbow your brother), and the list that will likely expand in the future. Okay, good point, me. Peypey has great comedic timing. Of course being paid to push your brother around while touring the ESPN studios isn’t something anyone would turn down.
Aah the Jets. I can think of two great things I can credit to the Jets.
One: Their former quarterback Joe Namath was very drunk when he told sideline reporter Suzy Kolber, “I just wanna kiss you.” This phrase turned into the base for football humor site Kissing Suzy Kolber.
Two: The infamous play in recent memory named the Butt Fumble. On screen, Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez runs into the butt of teammate Brandon Moore. He dropped the ball, which was picked up by Patriots player Steve Gregory. Gregory scored a touchdown because Sanchez ran face first to a butt. Many parodies were created on the Internet. I happen to believe this is the crowning achievement. Bah gahd the play was retired by ESPN Not Top 10. ESPN, the king of replay clips, didn’t want to broadcast it anymore
Nautical Blue, Red, New Century Silver, White
Tom Brady, the dashing quarterback of the New England Patriots, is having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad season. Injuries everywhere, newbies likely reading their Belichick playbooks upside down, and Tim Tebow is a great guy why did you drop him from the roster. Well, not all that terrible, horrible, no good, very bad season in my opinion. Currently the Patriots are #1 in the AFC East, the rookies and sophomores are getting into their roles, and fan favorite Rob “Gronk” Gronkowski is playing again. After years of Superbowl wins, deep playoff runs, a crew of awesome receivers it’s easy to have high expectations. So when this clip appeared on South Park this season I’m sure it summed up the feelings of Patriots fans when things aren’t going their way.