Throwback – Denver Broncos

Team Colors
Note: Names not official
Blue
Orange
White

It is not a secret that former Broncos quarterback John Elway is a douche bag.  But this path to being a bitter, legendary Broncos figurehead really reminds me of Anakin Skywalker’s transformation into Darth Vader in Star Wars.  John was a bright eyed, extremely talented kid hailing from California when he started. Anakin was a bright eyed, extremely talented kid hailing from Tatooine when he started.  As time marched on John was repeatedly given a chance to play in the Superbowl.  Repeatedly he saw the Broncos fall apart.  As time marched on Anakin was repeatedly given a chance to secure victory against the rebellious Sith lords.  Repeatedly he saw these battles end in failure.  John hardened his heart and lost his humanity in order to obtain his coveted Superbowl ring (his fast approaching retirement age may also be a factor).  Anakin hardened his heart and lost his humanity in order to bring balance to the Force (the death of his wife during this period may also be a factor).

Throwback – Kansas City Chiefs (né Dallas Texans)

Team Colors
Note: Names not official
Red
Yellow
White

Don’t worry you’re not the only one confused by the name changes.   The Kansas City Chiefs were born as the Dallas Texans in the AFL in 1960.  The Dallas Texans had their AFL championship in 1962.  Despite the victory the Dallas Texans couldn’t sustain being in the same market as their NFL older cousin, the Dallas Cowboys.  In 1963 the Dallas Texans moved to Kansas City (Missouri), and renamed themselves the Kansas City Chiefs.  I’ll keep the story straight for the all these Texas teams for you. 

Throwback – Los Angeles (né Oakland) Raiders

Team Colors
Silver
Black

The Los Angeles Raiders were a critical part of 1980s LA culture.  They were the bad boys, a sports counter culture to the highly finesse Los Angeles Lakers.  The Raiders also did strange things for the poorer neighborhoods of L.A. (Compton, East L.A., among others): The Raiders gave a common cause for Crips and Bloods to unite.  Don’t believe me?  Ask Ice Cube.

ESPN 30 for 30 Films Presents “Straight Out of Los Angeles”

It’s important to note that Bo Jackson played with the Los Angeles Raiders.  He was so blessed with athletic talent he had to play two professional sports–baseball and football–to showcase everything.  Hell, Al Davis gave his blessing to do it, which is why Bo Jackson ended up with the Raiders.  Oh yes, he could play both sports just fine thank you.  Did I mention he had one of the best Nike sponsorship ad campaigns ever?  If you haven’t watched the ESPN 30 for 30 episode “You Don’t Know Bo,” you really should.  In fact, let me put this up right now.  Go watch it and thank me later.

Throwback – San Diego Chargers

Team Colors
Note: Names not official
Powder Blue
Yellow
White

The title Fearsome Foursome is handed down to only good defenses.  Many associate the title with the Los Angeles Rams, but in the early 1960s that title belonged to the AFL San Diego Chargers.  Earl Faison, Ernie Ladd, Bill Hudson and Ron Nery were its members. Earl was rookie of the year as a lineman.  Ernie Ladd was literally the biggest, strongest guy in the AFL, and would later become a legendary heel in the WWWF (now WWE). Bill Hudson only played 3 years in the AFL, but he was traded to the Boston Patriots before the Chargers could make the AFL championship in 1963.  The same goes for Ron Nery, who was traded to the Denver Broncos.

Speaking of championships, the Chargers have  not made it to won the Superbowl ever.  Yes, since the introduction of the Superbowl.  Sticklers will tell me they won an AFL championship, but that’s not the same as the post merger, modern Superbowl.

Correction:  The Chargers did make it to Super XXIX (29) in 1994.  They lost to the San Francisco 49ers.

San Diego Chargers

Team Colors
Navy, Gold, Powder Blue, White

Official Website

Sometimes I feel bad for the San Diego Chargers quarterback Philip Rivers.  His face makes the greatest expressions, especially his duck face.  His face is also very punchable.  For all of his crazy Fantasy Football stats, he has yet to earn a Superbowl ring.  I’m sure he works very hard to do well every game, but he always comes off as an over sized spoiled brat.  Maybe a new coach (and new offensive system) could help him go beyond the first round of the playoffs this year.  Well, maybe next year.  The Chiefs and the Broncos pretty much have a lock for this year.

Oakland Raiders

Team Colors
Silver, Black

Official Website

I really want the Raiders to do well.  I grew up near Candlestick Park, the home of the San Francisco 49ers, so it wasn’t a leap in logic that I became a 49ers fan.  I grew up with enough Raider fans to have them become my second team.  Having a team name appropriate official theme song and shouting “RRRRRRAY-DAHS” when they score a TD captivated me as a kid.  (Seriously whenever I have to use a boat to get around this is the song that plays in my head once the boat picks up speed.)  Every preseason I see a glimmer of hope the Raiders will do well during the season.  Then every season see the Raiders teeter off to a roughly .500 win/loss average and I go “Meh.” once again.

Kansas City Chiefs

Team Colors
Red, Gold, White

Official Website

Worst to first seems to be this season’s story for the Chiefs.  This time last season no one took the Chiefs seriously.  But they added a new coach, new general manager, new quarterback, and spare parts from the San Francisco 49ers.  Wait, the new QB (Alex Smith) was picked up from San Francisco as well.  Okay, my mistake.  The Chiefs got spare parts from the Green Bay Packers’ front office and the 49ers players roster.  Basically they have become the team to beat this season.  No, my mistake.  The Denver Broncos beat them recently.  Also head coach Andy Reid has transformed from a walrus in a green jacket to a giant red tomato.  My conclusion is the Chiefs are still formidable until Alex Smith’s documented in-game indecision and Andy Reid’s My-QB-Does-Every-Play-Ever playbook manifest.

Denver Broncos

Team Colors
Orange, Navy, White

Official Website

Peyton Manning, current quarterback of the Denver Broncos, isn’t much of a looker.  He also can’t hide his thick NOLA accent and a massive forehead.  So could someone please explain to me how he got so many product endorsements?  Papa John’s (better pizza), Sprint (laser, rocket arm), Direct TV (football on your phone), Buick (audible), Gatorade (elbow your brother), and the list that will likely expand in the future.  Okay, good point, me.  Peypey has great comedic timing.  Of course being paid to push your brother around while touring the ESPN studios isn’t something anyone would turn down.