Throwback – Baltimore Ravens

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Team Colors
Note: Names not official
Purple
Black
Gold
White

The Ravens have more helmet mascots/emblems than most teams in the NFL.  Their first helmet emblem was submitted by Frederick E. Bouchat. He was excited to have a football team back in Baltimore. In his excitement he faxed a design concept to the Maryland Stadium Authority. The team showed off their uniforms, with a shield emblem that greatly resembled his original design he faxed not too long ago. Fred sued the Ravens for copyright infringement. He won the case but got only $3 in damages. Later Ravens owner Art Modell changed the emblem to an angry raven with a B superimposed on its head. No doubt this was also done to stop any potential royalties to Fred.

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Throwback – Jacksonville Jaguars

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Team Colors

Note: Names not official
Black
Gold
White
Teal

The Jaguars filled a void for professional football in the southern United States.  During those early years (roughly 1996-2000) they were a force to be reckoned with.  Things like winning streaks, playoff appearances, and stomping out NFL Hall of Fame quarterback Dan Marino on his last bid for the Superbowl.  Did you know current New York Giants coach Tom Coughlin was coaching the Jacksonville Jaguars at that time?  Well, even he couldn’t keep a good thing going.  Many of the starting lineup were cut due to salary cap, an coach Tom couldn’t plug his replacements back into the winning formula.  The Jaguars franchise is now old enough to start “finding” iteself.  I hope they find a way to be relevant in the playoff picture again.  The only real headlines they made lately were those godawful helmets they debuted last season.

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Throwback – Washington Redskins

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Team Colors

Note: Names not official
Burgany
Gold

How do we stop knee injuries in football?  Redskins’ quarterback Robert Griffin III suffered one towards the end of the 2013 regular season.  Imposing more severe penalties for knee strikes seem to be a Band-Aid solution to a larger problem: Defenses are trained to stop the quarterback at whatever the cost.  This may include having to fly like armored superheroes to tackle the quarterback.  Unfortunately gravity takes effect during this launch and a hit intended for the midsection (a “clean hit” to NFL officials) drifts downwards towards the knee (not legal to NFL officials).

Have sympathy for the defense, too.  There seems to be three times as many defense rules and penalties in order to protect the offense, specifically the quarterback.  Smaller hit boxes and fast moving, sneaky offenses.

The solution?  Force field football.  In the future I’m sure we’ll have the technology to make every player have a protective force field/bubble.  If the defending player gets too close to a no-no spot (say, the neck of a quarterback) during a play they’ll just bounce off the QB’s force field.  The play continues until referee stoppage and the penalized player is literally thrown out of play.  Don’t think the offense has it easy.  With the force field we can accurately show if indeed a receiver was within bounds, with ball control, and two feet on the ground at the end of a play.  In a pileup the ball can be accurately placed on who last held it on the whistle.  In my head every player has a glowing force field like they went Super Saiyan.  Don’t like that?  Have less throwing plays and more run plays you pass-happy NFL.  I am sure there would be fewer injuries on expensive QBs if there was more balanced offensive play calling.

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Throwback – San Francisco 49ers

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Team Colors

Note:  Names not official
Red
Gold

Damn it, Harbaugh we need to score touchdowns when we’re in the end zone!  As much as I love Justin (best) Smith he won’t last forever and I want our defense to still be scary as hell next season.  Colin Kaepernick deserves a raise, but I hope he doesn’t make an unreasonably high one.  The kid still needs to mature as a QB.  Please get well and get well quickly Navarro Bowman.

If you haven’t figured it out yet I’m a 49er fan.  Great work Seattle but it just emphasizes how much work my 49ers have to do.  I want Frank Gore to get a Superbowl ring while in a 49er uniform.

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San Francisco 49ers

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Team Colors

Red
Metallic Gold

Official Website

You know, I’m going to miss Candlestick Park.  Yes, Candlestick Park is old and totally not aligned for football, but neither was Kezar Stadium.  It’s windy and the broadcast systems are dated and it is a giant pain to park.  The original baseball dugout is in plain view, still collecting sunflower seed shells and whatever else floats in from the outside.  I’m sure the new Levi’s Stadium down in Santa Clara is going to be beautiful, with the same or worse parking issues than Candlestick.  Levi’s Stadium doesn’t have that history or urban backdrop that Candlestick has yet.  Gonna pour a forty for Candlestick when it finally does go down.

If you ever visit San Francisco, try going to Kezar Stadium when there’s a high school football game.  Kezar isn’t too far from Golden Gate Park and Haight & Ashbury.  Grab a pizza at North Beach Pizza or just hit up Kezar Pub.  It makes you feel like you’re in one of the old 49er games in the 1950s and 1960s.

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New Orleans Saints

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Team Colors
Black
Old Gold

Official Website

I grew up when the Saints were bad.  So bad they were the “Ain’t”s.  So bad that the handful of fans in the Superdome wore paper bags on their heads whenever they got on TV.  Just when I thought Hurricane Katrina ruined NOLA for good, the voodoo deities declared that this is the washing of all previous sins by the Ain’t-s.  A Superbowl win, crazy video game offense, and a defense that couldn’t possibly go wrong.  Well, the defense did go wrong.  I don’t like to call them bounties, more like employee incentives for ESPN top 10 worthy clips and ending opponents’ careers.   I mean, hard hits are awesome in video games.  Might as well make it real, right?  I still call this crew the Saints.  Drew Breesus is enough proof the Saints are still blessed (or covered in voodoo gris-gris).

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Kansas City Chiefs

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Team Colors
Red, Gold, White

Official Website

Worst to first seems to be this season’s story for the Chiefs.  This time last season no one took the Chiefs seriously.  But they added a new coach, new general manager, new quarterback, and spare parts from the San Francisco 49ers.  Wait, the new QB (Alex Smith) was picked up from San Francisco as well.  Okay, my mistake.  The Chiefs got spare parts from the Green Bay Packers’ front office and the 49ers players roster.  Basically they have become the team to beat this season.  No, my mistake.  The Denver Broncos beat them recently.  Also head coach Andy Reid has transformed from a walrus in a green jacket to a giant red tomato.  My conclusion is the Chiefs are still formidable until Alex Smith’s documented in-game indecision and Andy Reid’s My-QB-Does-Every-Play-Ever playbook manifest.
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